Potty Training & Bed Wetting {Episode 41}

Episode 41 October 22, 2019 00:36:06
Outnumbered the Podcast
Potty Training & Bed Wetting {Episode 41}

Show Notes

Potty training has to be one of the most stressful and overwhelming events of a young mom's life! Coupled with bed wetting, training a child to use the toilet appropriately is a big job, but it doesn't have to be impossible! After potty training a combined total of 15 children, we've got some tips to take the edge off and ensure that toilet training goes smoothly.


Kid-friendly toilet seat
Mattress protectors
Beddy’s Bedding
Calcium/Magnesium/Zinc supplement
Portable travel folding potty seat and disposable covers
My Size Potty 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 0 00:00 Hello and welcome back. Today is episode 41 we are talking about potty training and a little bit about bedwetting. It is like the bane of every mother's existence, but we're excited to chat about it a little bit and hopefully send some tips your way. Speaker 2 00:17 Hello and welcome to out number the podcast. I'm Bonnie and I'm Audrey and we're homeschooling moms to a combined total of 18 children. We know firsthand that motherhood is full of crazy chaos and overwhelming obligations, but it should also be full of love and laughter regardless of where you are on your journey. Come join us as we work together to find joy in the chaos of motherhood. Speaker 1 00:39 <inaudible> Speaker 0 00:43 uh, I, I really honestly believe it's one of the hardest parts of having young kids. What do you think Audrey? Speaker 3 00:48 Oh, no, I love the smell of Uday year and I put it on for, you know, perfume before I go out. <inaudible> Speaker 0 00:56 like what my laundry room has smelled like for the last 12 years. So ground. Okay, so we have a quick little humor segment for you guys. Um, and it does happen to, uh, belong in this realm of potty talk. So one of my older kids, and I can't remember who it was the first time, you know, it's always a little bit surprising to them the first time they go number two on the toilet. And it's surprising for me too because previously you've only seen it, you know, smooshed in a diaper. It's kinda gross. But, um, the first time this kid got on the toilet and went number two, he just started yelling from the bathroom. So I run in and he goes, look mom, look, it's a giant Nick. Of course he meant snake. He had just released a giant snake in the toilet. He was so proud of himself and I thought that was pretty darn funny. You're right. It does look kinda like a snake. Now flush it. Speaker 3 01:51 All right, that's pretty good. And I'm going to read 'em a message that we got on Instagram, um, as a review. And this one we got after our stay at home mom episode when I was talking about sitting there with my kid who was hacking at a piece of paper and pondering the meaning of life basically. So this, um, sweet person left a message. It's from our sweet home song and it says teaching cutting pieces of paper means raising surgeons. That might be the line between life and death. It means raising strong fingered musicians that calm the world with heart touching music. It means teaching the strong armed Kneaders, making our nourishing breads. It means teaching the dexterity of woodworkers, creating meaningful family heirlooms. The writers that write living books and the artists that express their souls, the gardeners that tend to our food to feed human beings. Kid scissor wizards are needed. Audrey, thanks for taking the time to love and appreciate your little ones. So well thank you for that sweet reminder. It is worthwhile. Speaker 0 02:56 Yes, yes. And like you said in that episode, it's so easy to get lost in those mundane moments, especially when they're making gigantic messes. But to have that, you know, end of day's perspective where we're looking and thinking, what skills am I teaching my child? This is something they will need as an adult and it's gonna make them this wonderful human being. So I love that. So this episode we're going to talk predominantly about potty training because it is such a stressful situation sometimes for moms and kids alike, but we will also address bedwetting just a little bit at the end because it's, it is related, but it is kind of a beast of its own, right. So, uh, if you're looking for that way, you know, wait til the end. Speaker 3 03:36 Yeah, yeah, exactly. So there's lots of stress and emotions regarding potty training because, well, it's dirty, right? Yeah, Speaker 0 03:45 yes, yes. Nobody likes <inaudible>. Yeah. And so, um, Speaker 3 03:50 like there's kind of this negative package that comes with potty training and bathroom talk and potty words and Pope and all that. So it, it, that is one thing that, um, kind of adds stress to the whole potty training situation. And because the older they get kind of the, or it gets yes. Speaker 0 04:07 True. And like, you know, contrast that with teaching, teaching a kid how to eat. Yeah, that's messy. They fling food everywhere. But I would much rather clean up spilled peas off the floor, then I would poop. You know? So yeah, just the mess alone is really aggravating. There are a few other reasons why it's a, it brings up a lot of stress and emotions. Um, first of all, it's developmental and it can't be forced. Right? Um, if you force it, there are negative consequences and we'll talk about those. Um, it's very time consuming. It's not just like, well, let's take two hours and potty train you. Oh, all done. It's a milestone in a kid's life. So that brings up some feelings of competition and you know, whose kid got potty trained sooner? Silly stuff like that. And like you said, it's a huge mess. So, yeah, just a few reasons that we will be talking about today. Um, and uh, giving some tips along the way. Speaker 3 04:57 Okay. So let's start with developmental. So it's totally developmental thing and kids do it when they're ready. Um, if you do it before that, I had a friend who, um, did infant potty training. Have you, have you heard of that? Yeah, I totally have. Uh huh. Yeah. Well, she, so on her first child, she did this infant potty training and she was a big advocate of it and it was really fun. And so then I asked her on her fourth child, I said, are, are you still doing the infant potty training thing? And she goes, no. She goes, really? It was me being trained, not the child. Oh yeah. A lot of running around my bed. Oh yeah. So anyway, there's tips or warnings for, for the timing when, when they're ready. And I'm like, you can ask them and start talking about it and doing everything and wanting them to, but if they're, if they don't want to and they're not ready, it's just not going to go well, there's going to be so many accidents and there's going to, okay. Speaker 3 05:54 And then that's another, that's another thing I want to get into a little bit is I with potty training, I so much try to focus on positivity because there's, um, developmental, psychological stuff associated with, um, potty training. I mean, okay. So just a rough overview here from some of my early childhood education psychology classes that, um, kids in when they're potty training, they at that age, they're in the anal stage. So they start out life in the oral stage where everything goes into their mouth. Well after that they go into the anal stage. This is according to psychologists in stages, they put kids in and as during the anal stage that kids, um, potty train well. So they're really focused on that part of their body and what's going on and happening in development and all that. And if you use, if negativity enters the picture at that point, um, or there's a lack of positivity or you know, any of that, then it can really have long lasting, lifelong psychological damage on a kid, believe it or not. So anyway, positivity is a huge, huge, important tip for me at, at this time when I'm potty training kids. Speaker 0 07:04 That is so interesting and I'm glad you brought that up. Yeah. Um, I've definitely seen, um, the side effects of having a lot of negativity surrounding that and the regression and the fact that it takes like four times as long. Um, so yeah, that's, that's no boy now. Speaker 3 07:18 Yeah. Yeah. So I just never, never use negativity even to the point where I don't use, I try not to use words like accident, like oops, you had an accident because that's like a negative connotation word. We just say, you know, if they go in there and read us like, Oh yeah, that's right, potty comes out and it went in your underwear this time and next time we're going to try to put it in the potty chair. But like even avoiding the words like accident because the accident is what happens, you know, when two cars crash into each other and there's a bunch of damage and people get hurt. And so, you know, <inaudible> accident if we can just try and to even think about the vocabulary behind potty training. And I'm not like a super positive parenting, you know, words, parent thing. But on this subject of potty training, I do try super hard to stay positive. Speaker 0 08:04 Yeah, I love that. That's a good idea. Yeah. So just as a personal experience, um, I know there are lots of different opinions on when a child should be potty trained, but personally all my kids developmentally have not, it does not seem like they'd been ready to be potty trained before three. Um, a couple of them showed some signs, but either I wasn't able to give them the full attention and energy necessary for it or we tried and then they, and then they weren't as interested as they seemed. So all of them were fully potty trained after three. And I just say that because I think there's a lot of unrealistic expectations out there or a lot of comparison going on where someone will say, well, I had a friend and all her kids were potty trained by 13 months. That's just not very common. Speaker 0 08:47 I'll just say it like that. And if your kid does early, awesome bonus, you get out of more diapers, but don't put yourself on your child, um, under the stress of some arbitrary number that you're trying to hit or you know, some something that you have, you feel like you have to, to reach. Um, and even later than that is okay too. Um, like I said, I, there were some that I could have pushed, but I did try that with the first two kids and I did not like the results. So after that I decided I would cut out the drama on the afterward for me and just wait until they were fully ready. Speaker 3 09:18 Yeah, exactly. It totally my experience too. Like this is one of those things where every kid is ready when they're ready there and you can't, you can't make them ready before, after that. It's just uh, a time when they're ready. And so, um, one of my kids was, I only one of my kids potty trained at 18 months. She looked at, it was my third. She looked at her first and second, her older siblings and she said they don't wear diapers. I don't want to wear a diaper. And she took it off and she was trying to just boom, like she made the decision. She was ready. But that was my only one out of nine kids. Well, okay, the baby's six months old. So we're out of eight kids. None of them have trained before to, and usually closer to three and just when they're ready. And we do it child led too because when you do child led training, your kid can potty train in a week or two day night, everything. But if you do it before that, it's going to take months and months and months. Oh. And my kids were even later at nighttime, like they might've been daytime trained, um, earlier than they were nighttime trained, um, for many of my kids. So that, that's a thing too. Speaker 0 10:24 Yeah. Actually I'll, we'll talk about that a little bit more as well later. But, um, there was really only one of my children who was potty trained at nighttime at the same time. It was during the day, so not uncommon at all for that nighttime to take a lot longer. Um, and you made, you made a good point about the communication that your, your 18 month old was old enough to say, I don't want to do diapers anymore. I'm ready for the potty. Um, that's, that's pretty exceptional too. Like not a lot of kids can, can communicate that much. And I'll just say as another note of warning, if your child cannot clearly communicate that it's time to go to the bathroom and you know, and the logistics of getting there and all these other things, chances are good. He's not going to be ready because it's just, it's just too hard to anticipate the needs. And you know what I'm saying? Like and yeah, and when, and like you say when it's mother led weaning is just so much more work for you. Yeah. Not waiting on the, sorry mother led training. Yeah. And on the flip side, just because they can communicate about it doesn't mean they're <inaudible> Speaker 3 11:17 ready. Like my two year old, two and a half year old and I have had, have been having conversations every time I changed her diaper. Hey, you know, if you put this potty or this poop in the potty chair, then you know, I could blah blah blah. You don't, we talked through some advantages and she'll say, I'm not ready. Or I yeah. Speaker 0 11:36 Later. Right now I wear diapers, you know. And she was telling me, she's communicating to me that she's not ready yet. And I'm like, okay, then we're not ready yet. Yep. Perfect. Yeah, exactly. And because she, you, because she's at a point where she can communicate, you know, you guys can have that conversation instead of you forcing, you know, because if a kid takes later to say a full sentence like that, then you know, you might be tempted to push them into something you don't know. He doesn't want to do, you know. Anyway. So yeah. Good point. And uh, another concept I want to bring up here is the concept of control. So for toddlers, um, developmentally they're learning to exert control over their environment, right? Babies can't control much. They look to mom and dad for all their care. Um, but as soon as kids turn two and three, they think, wait a minute, sometimes I can control my circumstances, right? Speaker 0 12:25 Mom says, go to bed. And if, if I throw a giant fit, sometimes she'll read me another book, you know, and they're starting to make these connections that my behavior can sometimes change the outcome. And so it's a very interesting time to potty train because sometimes they decide that they want to exert control over that aspect of their life. And if you choose to make it a fight, then they're going to choose to do the opposite of what you asked because they can cause it's something that we can finally control, you know? And so like you, like you say, focusing on the positive, I try to focus on diffusing the power, right? Making a very neutral situation. Like, Oh, you don't want to go, okay, whatever. Even if it is important to me even, you know, um, we're about to get in the car and I know the kid's going to have an accident, I just let it be and I bring a diaper because I know what's gonna happen. And you know, because the fighting it will just, it's just a downward downward spiral. Speaker 3 13:17 Yeah, yeah. You've heard horror stories about, you know, kids smearing poop on the wall and all that. That is totally part of that anal stage control thing. Just exactly what you're talking about. It's their way of control. Speaker 0 13:30 Yes, yes, yes. True. Okay. So moving on to number two, we're going to talk a little bit about the time that it takes. So I will start this by saying it is not great to start potty training right before, during or after a big life transition or what we'd like to call a survival time like in episode 20. Okay. So when there's a new baby coming, when there's a move pending, when, um, all the siblings are starting school, when mom or dad is starting a job, anything that is going to seriously alter your child's life positively or negatively is not a great time to start potty training because it is such a time consuming thing and it requires a lot of, um, mental and emotional effort. It's, it's a great time to start. Only when life is very calm. Speaker 3 14:17 Yeah. Yeah. And if they are trained and you, and you go through one of those major life changes within a few months later, they're, there will be some regression, most likely. And I think we're gonna talk about this a little bit later, but yeah. Anyway. Okay. So T tips for tackling it in a timely manner. Um, we start talking about it a long time before they're ready and before they start doing it. Um, but we don't ever push or, you know, we'll become the one that strange. Not them. Yeah. I'm trying to take them to the potty trained to ask them, train, you know, train, I'll do that and all that. Instead of them being the one trained to, you know, take care of, take care of their own potty. Um, so anyway, the potty talk that we start, we start talking about, Oh look, did you notice that everybody in the family goes to the bathroom on the potty chair? And then we go through all the names of everybody in the family. Mommy's sits on the potty chair and daddy said Solon potty chair. You know, we'd go through everybody. Oh yeah, that's cool. And they're like, you know, looking around and they're like becoming aware. Oh yeah, I'm the only one wearing a diaper or just me and the baby wear a diaper, you know, and then we start talking about w we just talk about it all the time. Speaker 0 15:23 And if they're not ready, they're not ready. But if it's a good way to start introducing the idea of it. Yeah. So I'm a quick tip about, uh, planning and, and the time that we set aside for it is, uh, in our family we kind of who like to do the three days of nakedness approach. And so that, how that works is we pick a time, uh, well here in Phoenix that can happen pretty much anytime of year. But for those of you in more, um, extreme climate, you might have to pick a time of year where it's okay for a child to run around naked around the house for a couple of days or even in the yard. Um, we have no plans and no clothes for those three days. Obviously just a toddler, not me, but point being that underwear and shorts and those sorts of things can get in the way of a child understanding their need to use the bathroom. Speaker 0 16:10 And so this is one of the quickest methods I've found for teaching a child to, um, go in the bathroom if I'm sure they're ready and they've been asking for it, guys will just say, all right, we're not going anywhere for three days. Take your clothes off. And you tell me when it's time to go and I'll help you get there and make it happen. And it usually happens fairly quickly if we do that. So that's kind of a tip from us. Um, and once again, keep a positive and be willing to give up if it does not work in a time fashion. Sometimes if we beat a dead horse into the ground, it's like we're all exhausted. We're all tired of it. We don't want to do it anymore. Just give up. We can, you can approach it later. Not a big deal. They're not going to go to college in a diaper. But my favorite tip, I love that. Speaker 3 16:52 Okay. All right. Yeah. You know, one, um, milestone that you can see that they're, they're getting ready to potty train or that they're thinking about it or they're getting close is when they go and hide to have a bowel movement. They, yeah, they go and hide somewhere behind a couch or somewhere quiet and they come back and they're like, ah, I have been diet me. Don't change my diaper. And you're like, Oh yeah, but they're thinking about it enough that they go somewhere and hide first. It doesn't just, Speaker 0 17:16 yes ma'am. And often times they'll even tell you, Oh, I think I have to go. And then they do it in their diaper. But that's, that's a great first step because if they can or, or even even earlier than that, even just telling you when they're wet or messy, that is like, Oh, they're aware that they're sitting in fecal matter. Good. We want to get to where we're not doing that. That's great. That's a good step forward. Yeah. Speaker 3 17:39 So because it's a developmental milestone, it means that a lot of it is out of our control. Um, so when we start noticing these signs that they might be ready, what we do is we offer, um, like I'll give you like our day. So we just did our episode on, you know, food. And I said that we don't like to use sugar, but when you don't ever eat in sugar, when your kids don't ever get sugar, it's a great incentive. So I'll give you a chocolate chip every time you go potty on the potty chair. And they're like, Whoa. Speaker 3 18:12 Or, um, you know, I'll go, we'll go down to the store and we'll buy you special big girl panties. And then, you know, they get to pick them out and they get to wear this special, you know, Mickey mouse underwear, whatever their, whatever floats their boat superhero or whatever, and they're like, Oh, wow. You know, I, I've got these special clothes that I'm going to get to wear as soon as I can go potty on the potty chair. So, you know, we just offer little incentives, um, that, that we talk about before they're even ready before they even go the first time. It's just part of the conversation that we start. Speaker 0 18:42 Yeah. Yeah. The new underwear is a great tip. And, um, what we found is that when you have the big discussion, you lead up to it, you go out and you buy them together and it's like this little fun little ritual. And then you go home and you try them. And oftentimes you'll find when you first put underwear on them, um, for the first little while, they still don't get it right. And that's okay. But that's actually a great time to give them a little pause. Just say, okay, well these special underwear have to stay dry and they have to stay clean, so let's wear a diaper for the next couple of days until you think you're ready again and we'll try again. Um, but just so that they kind of get the idea that it's not, that underwear is not just another diaper. Like if it happens over and over and over, that they can still keep having accidents, that it's okay to put them away and just say, okay, we'll try again next week and give them a little little tastes of, of trying to potty train. Speaker 3 19:30 Yeah. I think, um, kids in cloth diapers actually potty train a little earlier than disposable diapers because they can feel it, the wetness. Whereas, you know, disposable diapers are made to wicked away from them and, and they don't feel as soon. Speaker 0 19:45 That's true. That's true. And if caught bipartisan general feel a little bit more like underwear. So it's probably an easier transition. Okay. So, um, in my experience between two to three years of age is the prime time. But oftentimes, like I said, again, just my personal experience closer to three tends to be more realistic for my kids. If I'm taking a laid back approach, if I'm not the one being trained, like you say, if I'm letting my kid take the reins again, totally personal and different experiences for every child and for every household depending on how you want to approach it. But like you said, a kid should show lots of signs, maybe trying to remove their diaper, talking about being wet or dirty, um, X especially interested in parents or siblings going to the bathroom, interested in wearing under the wear themselves. And I will put in a plug for preschool right here. Speaker 0 20:33 If you're planning on sending a kid to preschool, that can be a great motivator because they go at three and if a kid is not showing a lot of signs and it's getting closer to preschool time, that's something you can bring up and say, I really want you to be able to go to school. Won't that be so exciting? And you know, you talk about it and maybe you go drive by or whatever, but you know that they don't let kids in diapers come to preschool. Did you know that? It actually, funny mom fail story here. I had signed my oldest stuff for preschool and uh, back when we were going to go to school and um, he was potty trained for number one but not number two. And so I actually sent him in a pull up because I really want him to go and he wasn't ready. Speaker 3 21:14 I'm not terrible, but I did give him a little bit of a Speaker 0 21:18 talking to you beforehand. If you poop that pull up in preschool, they will send you home and he never did. So Speaker 3 21:23 I'm sure the teachers love that. But yeah, preschool is a great motivator. All right. And as you said about movements usually happen later. Um, it's not uncommon for a kid to be P trained for awhile and then also night training happens later. Um, that is just pretty common where, you know, they're not awake, so they, they're not used to holding it yet, or they're not, they just don't have that level of control yet. So night training happens later. We do have some tips a little bit later on for, um, helping them with night training and some resources and stuff. But anyway, just to be aware of that doesn't, that doesn't usually all happen at once. Um, some of my kids it has, but it's not, it's not the, the most common way that it happens. Right. Okay. So, um, one thing that has kept some of my kids from training later is fear of falling in the big toilet. Yeah. They just like, they are so afraid of falling, you know, their tiny little, but they really can. Oh. And so if you pick up on that being a fear, um, for your kid, get one of the little child-sized potties. In fact, I've got a really cute one linked in this show notes that um, it looks just like the big toilet, but it's little planet kid size. Oh, and you know what, in our old house we had a toilet seat Speaker 0 22:39 that had a kid size seat built in. There was the adult one and then on top you could flip down a smaller one built into the seat. So I don't know. I'll have to look and see if I can find a link to that. We'll include that. Speaker 3 22:49 Oh, that's awful. Yeah. Yeah. That's cool. I linked to one for that is another part of potty training is when you leave home, they have to come to the realization that, did you know that when we go to Walmart, they have potty chairs there and you can go there too. And they're like, Whoa. In every place you go they have to go to the bathroom. Not because they have to go to the bathroom, but because they want to see that there's a pod bathroom there too. Yeah. So I linked in the show notes. I linked a really cool portable travel folding potty seat and then it comes with some disposable covers so you can take it with you because if they have that fear of falling in thing, it makes it their size too. A few of my children have been afraid of the flushing noise and um, they don't want me to flesh until they go out or something. Speaker 3 23:34 So just be aware that some kids that, that might be kind of scary to them too. In fact, because they're in the anal stage, there's a lot of fear for some of them about anything that has to do with this area of their body. Yeah, yeah. True. And my final note here is on, um, boys. So, um, them learning to stand up to pee. Like do they do that? Like if you're potty training in three days naked outside, obviously, you know, they're not sitting down anywhere to pee, but they have to do that to poop. So then it just kind of something that girls don't have to go through when their training is, do you know, decide, do I stand up or sit down this time? No, girls just say, Speaker 0 24:10 yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, my sister has always taught her boys to pee and poop sitting down and then as they get older, if they want to stand up, especially out in public, that's fine. But it really is easier for the little ones, especially when they're so short that they can't even reach the toilet if they stand up. Yeah. It's just easier to sit down. But obviously, um, the dads often have a say in that as well. Some dads have a problem with boys sitting down at the, I don't know, whatever, but so sometimes you might want to bring dad in on that. Speaker 3 24:39 Yeah, well there's a school of thought with that as far as the whole psychology behind making a boy sit or you know, whatever. You can look it up if you're interested. Speaker 0 24:46 Okay. So like I mentioned, there is that motivation of preschool, um, to help a kid a little bit. But that being said, there is, like we said, there is a possibility of pushing your kid to do it too soon when they're not ready because there's this impending exciting thing they want to go and do. Okay, so we're going to talk just a little bit about the competition that exists surrounding potty training. I do not know why this is, but it is one of those things that is an intense discussion and pain point in the mommy Wars. You know people, I don't know, we're looking for things to talk about at the park while our kids play. Oh, and when did he potty train? And all of a sudden it's like, Oh two and a half really? Well Johnny potty trained at one and three quarters. Speaker 0 25:28 It's like, come on moms, come on. We know better than this. It is not a competition. It does not mean your kid is smarter. It does not. It does not mean your kid is more advanced developmentally. It really doesn't. It just means he's different. And so I have to put that out there because we all go through it. I know we do and I think you and I probably just kept having kids and so we finally got over it. But like I think we just do ourselves and our kids a disservice by turning it into some sort of a competition in something that really matters. Cause it really doesn't matter. Speaker 3 25:59 Right. And even within a family, you don't want to make it a competition. Oh, your brother was already potty trained at your age, so you must be stupid because you're not potty trained and he was at your age. Speaker 0 26:08 Right. Right. Don't go there. Don't go there. Exactly. Yeah. And as a side note, pushing them when they're not ready or creating unnecessary drama or work for yourself or the kid can harm your relationship with your child and co can cause future issues for him surrounding the potty. That's something he's going to have to do multiple times a day for the rest of his life. Let's not add any emotional baggage to it. Right? Absolutely. Yup. Speaker 3 26:35 So have the confidence to let your child take it at their own pace. Just confidence in your own mothering ability. You're not less of a parent. If your child is not potty trained by X age, you're not. You're just not. Your child is not less of a child. If they're not potty trained by X age, just let your kid take it at their own pace. You'll both be so much happier. Go listen to the mothering with intention, episode 12 for tips on what's right for your kid. And just remember there. It's serious. There are psychological ramifications in the future from the anal stage and pushing kids to potty train when they're not ready. So just let them be. Yeah. Yeah. Speaker 0 27:11 And lastly, before we get into bedwetting, we really do get how exciting the prospect of being at diapers is. Well, at least we think we do. I don't, I haven't been <inaudible> yet. I think it's going to be awesome. But I'm like, get over 21 years into changing diapers. Years. I have no clue. I've pretty much spent more of my life changing diapers and not, this is true. That's crazy. And you know, by the time you're done, your oldest kids are probably going to have, you're gonna have grandkids and you'll be changing them too. So it's just <inaudible> by the time you're done, then you'll need diapers. Speaker 0 27:48 We're not talking about that. You're talking about that. Yeah. So anyway, we just want to say we totally <inaudible> get that. It's a very exciting, provocative time of life. Like, Oh my gosh, I can't, I cannot wait. But, um, you know, our relationship with our kids and their own emotional health is obviously more important than that. Um, and even if it takes several tries, so let's say that you've done your three days of nakedness and it hasn't worked. Okay, try three months later and then you try a different approach and then three months later, we're not really here to give you all the approaches and all the different ideas. There are lots of resources out there, but we're here just to offer support and tell you that we know how exciting it looks on the other side, but they will get there eventually. Don't, don't worry about it. Don't beat yourself up. Speaker 3 28:28 I, I do say, you know, say I've been changing diapers for 21 years, but, um, I, you know, I have big kids that help and, um, I do let them, Oh, you know, when they hit a teenager, I will let them change their, you know, the baby's diaper, their sibling, baby's diaper, just, just, I don't know, I guess to give myself a break, but, but they're ready then. Yeah. I mean they can, they can do that. They can be a help. And I'm so, you know, try not to project your own desires on it on a child who's not ready to potty train, even though you're super ready not to be changing diapers anymore. Yup. Yup, yup, yup. Speaker 0 29:03 Yeah. So just a few quick notes before we end on bed wedding. So this can be a very traumatic situation for both mom and kid. Number one kid because it's embarrassing as they get older and they're aware that they're not supposed to be doing this, you know, um, and, and they're no longer little enough to not care that they're sleeping in your and silk sheets, obviously. Um, but also, um, it is also a developmental thing and sometimes it's really difficult for the kids that have the heavy sleepers or that just have something going on in their brain that's not clicking and telling them to wake up in time. Speaker 3 29:36 Yeah. Speaker 0 29:37 It is not unusual for some kids to struggle up to like seven or eight. I think a doctor recently telling me and, and some even struggle into middle school and again, you can imagine how embarrassing that is for them, especially if there's, you know, camp outs or sleepovers or some something that takes them away from home for the night. But just be aware that that's not, it's not terribly unusual. It does happen. Speaker 3 29:56 Yeah, absolutely. We've had, um, older bed wetters um, or, you know, heavy sleepers. We've even had kids who have been trained at night for a little while and then, um, we did a big move and there was one who wasn't trained at night anymore and then wasn't trained, you know, for years at night. And, um, it just, it just is, you don't want to, um, feel like there's something wrong with you or your kid. Sometimes it just is. So, um, one thing we do talk about with them is, you know, like if there's a sleepover or go to a friend's house or something, how are we going to handle this so that we don't, so that you don't feel embarrassed at your friend's house and it can be a happy experience for you and for your friend and you know, that's, you know, pull ups or whatever to address, just talk about it before you go. Don't just, you know, pretend like it's not going to happen. If that's something that is something that they do. Speaker 0 30:49 Yeah, it can be helpful. Actually a, another tip for this as it can be helpful to talk to the mom or whatever adult is going to be in charge of that sleepover, camping experience or whatever and let them know the situation and ask them for help in getting your kid to be able to dispose of a pull up discretely. So like kid goes, gets dressed in pajamas, puts a pull up on and then in the morning if it's wet, they're going to need a place to put it without their friends seeing. And so that's something that can be arranged ahead of time to, you know, avoid embarrassment for your kid who's obviously feeling weird. Yeah. So just a couple of tips for for bed wetters um, number one, don't shame them. Like I know how hard it can be to look at a 10 year old and be like, are you kidding me right now? Speaker 0 31:30 I have to wash your sheets again. But like there's so little that they can do sometimes. Like sometimes it is just not within their control. This is a personal experiences. I still remember struggling with what bed. Wedding, I don't think I was terribly old, maybe six or so. And I remember one specific instance, my mom had given me some bribe. Like if you can get through a week with dry sheets then this happens or something. So I was so excited and I was just really intent and I wasn't drinking water at night and I was going to the bathroom right before bed, et cetera. Anyway, one night I got up in the middle of the night, went to the bathroom, and I was so proud of myself for getting up and going and I sit on the toilet and I start to go and then I wake up. I had totally dreamed that I was getting up to go to the bathroom and I still wet my bed and I just cried. It made me so sad. I still remember how traumatized I was that I was doing everything in my power. So again, so much is not in your kids' power. They are trying, they do not want to do this, especially if they're older. Um, Speaker 3 32:27 yeah, I totally remember. I totally remember, um, having a dream that I was going to the bathroom too, so I, I mean I had to be eight or 10 or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Um, a tip that I have for bed wetters is just some logistical stuff. Just put mattress protectors on their mattresses that are plastic coated, um, bed. Uh, I, I think they're pretty standard. You can go down to, you know, whatever Walmart or order them off of Amazon. Get a mattress protector. Um, they make big size pullups limit drinks after, you know, after supper. And then, um, one thing that really did help us when we had one kid that was wetting the bed quite late actually too, um, is we got them a calcium magnesium, zinc supplement, a liquid sec supplement, and we'd give that to them. And somehow that combination really helped them. I think it was the magnesium in there, but in that supplement there in the proper ratios to each other. And um, sometimes a kid that, an older kid that's bedwetting will have a magnesium deficiency and this will help them a lot. So you can try it. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. But, um, if your kid has one of these that they're not getting in the proper proportions, then that also could be the nighttime bedwetting on an older kid. So you check out the one I've liked it in the show notes. Speaker 0 33:46 Okay, cool. Yeah, and a couple of, um, recommendations I have, there is a set of pajamas called P jamas. Pretty fun way. Yeah. That's actually basically like a basic set of cotton pajamas, like long drunk pajamas, but it actually has almost like a built in cloth diaper in the bottoms. So it's totally invisible. No one can even tell that a kid is wearing it, but it will catch a large portion of urine if they wet at night and save you a lot of sheet drama. So we will put a link for that. And another tip is if you guys are aware of or have ever seen Betty's bedding, we'll link to them as well. So basically the bedding is all in one you, you fit it over the mattress, like a fitted sheet and then just zip the blanket off. So it's not like a fitted sheet, a flat sheet and a blanket that has to be tucked in or whatever. So they're really, really awesome for kids to make their beds anyway and much easier to wash if a kid has an accident. So we'll link to those as well. I'm, I'm obsessed with them. They're so cool. Speaker 3 34:45 Okay. Yeah, that does sound like, you know, like maybe my kids would actually make their beds. Uh, okay. And the final tip is just relax. It won't last forever. They won't be wetting their bed and college. Right. And your stress about it won't help them. Um, mention it to your doctor, your care provider if you're concerned. But it's very common for kids, uh, any kids and then especially common for kids who have other developmental delays. Um, I believe we were talking about this a little bit in episode 36 with Melissa Esplin. Yeah. And yeah, it just, um, it just part of life, like you said, you have to do it multiple times a day, every day. Crap crap happened. Speaker 2 35:29 Thanks so much for tuning in. If you've enjoyed this episode, we'd be so grateful if you'd leave us a written review on iTunes. If you have any questions or ideas for future episodes, you can reach [email protected] and find us on Instagram at outnumber the podcast. See you next week. Speaker 1 35:46 <inaudible> Speaker 0 35:51 okay. And then some of my kids have had a fear of the flushing noise, so it's like this big Bush. Yeah. That's good. How's that again? Do it again. I just made that noise. Okay. Speaker 1 36:08 <inaudible>.

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